Isn't it supposed to be MY day??

So today is a venting post. I apologize in advance. I know I haven't yet shared about the holidays, sorry for the venting before the fun.


So the part of the wedding process that is frustrating me the most is not having it really be MY day. I know that every girl grows up hearing how important their wedding day is. We grow up hearing that it is a day all about us and we get to plan our dreams. I'm learning that it reallly has nothing to do with what I really want. I really wanted to elope and not hurt anyone's feelings because we wouldn't invite anyone. But since my parents are giving us some money and my mom almost started crying when I told her we wanted to elope, my choice went out the window. Now anything we plan really isn't my decision. It is who will be upset by this choice, who will be happy if I do this? I can't even say what type of plates and silverware I want at the reception without being told that it isn't nice enough, and shouldn't I care about that? Honestly, I don't care. I don't understand the whole reception thing right now. If we are having a private wedding ceremony, going on our honeymoon and then having a party, why do I still need a standard reception? I really just want a party for everyone to celebrate together. I don't understand why I'm stressing out about what will make everyone else happy. What about me? What about Ray? What about what we want to do? If we get a small amount of money then we should be able to do what we want with that. I think really, if my parents want to make their own decisions and this is what they want or this is what they think is better, than they shouldn't have put up such a small budget. I do appreciate the help but it really isn't enough to do what THEY want. Having only parents and siblings was a stretch, they wanted over 50 people! What happened to a small wedding? Apparently my dad had a discussion with me before I moved out of their house that since I was moving in with Ray that they wouldn't be helping with a wedding at all. So them helping at all is a gift because they want to help us out. If it is a gift then why are there strings attached? I understand my parents want to be there but then why do girls grow up thinking that it will be the happiest time of their life? Yeah, one day. One day is what people stress out about for months! The one day doesn't matter! The rest of our lives together is what matters! Why is it so important that everyone watch us exchange vows and rings? That is 30 minutes out of a lifetime. A marriage is not a day, it is a lifetime. I don't understand. If someone has all the answers for me, please help! I don't want to spend the next 5 months feeling like this. I lost it today at work because I'm so stressed. I don't even know what to do anymore. I just want it to be my day, Ray's day. A day for us to share our love with each other and vow our lives to each other. Ok...I think I'm done...please help if you have the answers.