Right now, I want to be right in that spot again. I want to be watching a beautiful sunset with the man I love with no stress. I'm not sure really what to write now. Life hasn't been the best lately. Work has been pretty stressful. I feel like Tiffany doesn't want me as the assistant and I really don't understand that. She promised me that position when we left Piedmont and now I don't know what changed. I don't even hang out with her anymore and I once again feel like I have no friends. Life was better before. I was hanging out with Tiffany and Diana and work was good and now I'm lonely. Money is a little tight lately and I'm trying to get Ray and I on a joint account so I will be tackling all of his bills as well. I learned a lot from my dad as far as getting stuff paid off and I'm willing to help Ray do the same so that we can eventually be debt free and buy a home. I didn't get my ring as planned because of some financial issues but I'm hoping for soon. I keep trying to tell myself to stay optimistic and it will come but I've been doing that and I'm still not there. Its just I wish I didn't want it as much as I do, but I want him to want me and to love me and want to marry me, but I'm beginning to wonder if it will really ever happen. And with work I feel like I made a bad decision in coming here but then I feel like I had no other choice since there were no other offers. And it's not that I just made a bad decision for me it's that it effects Ray and Max as well. I don't want to find another job but I also don't want to be treated the way I have been lately. The really sad thing is that I have seen my aunt three times since last summer and that was Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years. All family things and we never even got to really talk. I feel like she is doing the same thing that my mom did to her that she promised me she wouldn't do to me no matter what. I know she is busy and has three kids and is working at the school but I miss her and I miss the kids and I feel like I can't go over there anymore cuz I'm doing something they don't approve of. I'm also realizing how much I really do love my parents and how much they really do love me. I've never been huge fans of them until now and I miss them. The one thing that I have been thinking about is to go online and find a job in Texas or Florida and just move down there and start over but I can't do that to Ray and I'm scared. I'm sorry this is such a depressing post but I had to get some of my feelings in writing. Hopefully I'll be up and cherry again soon. Love you all!
